The Past

8 11 2012

I’ve recently begun to have many conversations with friends and various people about the kinds of lives we led in the past.  Part of this involves trying to allow other people the opportunity to get to know me, and part of this involves sharing as a way to cope or move on with things that have happened in the past.  It’s a very fascinating but interesting process, depending on which scope you’re working from. 

It’s no secret.  I’ve got a past.  There have been some crazy things that have happened to me.  I won’t go into detail here, because I simply don’t have the time, but I also want to keep this as neutral as possible, because some of those deep things, involve other people.  It’s their business too, so I want to respect their privacy.  But just know, I have a past.  Things have been good with what has happened, and things have been bad.  There’s a whole down and upswing of events, as with everyone else.  But the point is, things have happened to me.  Whether good or bad, all of these things have shaped me up into the person I am becoming, and the person I am.  So I’m grateful.

But I do live in a small town.  Everytime that I messed up in the past, I always knew that if I messed up, it would fare me better to go ahead and admit that I messed up rather than to try to hide it away.  The thing is, I can’t exactly hide all the things in my life, because in a small town, everyone knows everyone’s business.  It’s quite frustrating sometimes.  I hate that element of the small town for two main reasons:  1)Because everyone knows everything, and when you tell them about it, they already know.  2)Because this practice truly prohibits anyone from moving on from their past mistakes.

Seriously!  The fact that everyone knows what so-and-so did fifteen years ago is still brought up and dragged into everyday conversation, and this is hard for the person that once messed up.  It’s hard because they can never be considered the mature person they are and the changed person that they are, because their past holds them back.  Socially, they’re restrained by the mistakes they made.  It’s quite frustrating. 

People judge you in the present day for stuff that you did a long time ago.  It’s just the way the world works.  And it’s so incredibly frustrating.

Because (coming full circle now)….doing so, does not allow you to fully appreciate the ways that such a mistake has made you a better person.  Everything that I’ve done that was a mess-up, if people don’t remind me of it, in my own time, I learn to truly absorb what I’ve learned and resolve not to mess up the next time. 

So what?  You’ve got a past.  That means you’ve lived.  You’ve learned.  You have made a mistake, but are gonna do better now.  Congradulations.  I think that makes you an awesome person. 

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