Because of You

14 01 2014

If you do not know all of my story and my past, or if you know a part of it, you know already how personal this song is to me.  If you don’t, I’d like to share that with you.

I did not hear this song until a few years after it was released, and when I heard it, I was at a place in my life where I could be reflective, and not succumb to a place of hardship.  Let me just say that in this regard, I am so super proud of myself.  I have grown so much, and I have come from a place where I could have had bitterness plague my heart and keep me from finding successful relationships….and I have not only had the privilege to be in several successful relationships, but have also been a catalyst for helping others grow in their journey as well.  I am so grateful, that I was saved from a situation that could have been full of bitterness and the hardening of my heart…and I am a person who is not permanently scarred to the point that I become so hung up on that event.

Sorry, back on topic.  I heard this at a time in my life where I could hear it, and it wasn’t quite so damaged to hear it.  Until I was kicked out of my home at the age of 17 by my biological mother, I lived in a home that was full of turmoil, drama and complicated situations.  I lived in a world where love meant total control over you, because that’s what love does, right?  I lived in a world where love was that you could tell someone over and over again that they won’t amount to anything, but they’ll keep coming back to you, because love never gives up, right?  I lived in a world of manipulation, and lies, carelessness and servitude. 

In short, I lived for several years, with someone who had a mental illness and gave up, refused to fight it, and decided to try to take others down with them.  I lived with someone who gave up in every sense of the word, and then tried to make others give up as well. Unfortunately, I have far too much of a stubborn head to decide to just give up on my life, especially when I hadn’t lived it yet.  The struggles and the fights and the manipulations, I can type out in detail, but that really serves no purpose here, but to make you feel gross towards me and pity…and that’s just not okay with me.

So just take my word on it.  It was bad.  Trust me.  It’s bad.  I hate reliving it.  After I moved out, there was a struggle where this person tried to push their way and force their way back into my life, but I refused, and currently, myself and this person only see each other on holidays.  And I am perfectly happy and content with that, because I was given the gift of a new family.

I mention all of this because I want you to realize two important truths here.  You always have two ways to respond to whatever happens in your life:  You can choose to be a fighter or you can choose to be a victim. 

A fighter is someone who, when an event happens to them that COULD be traumatic and COULD control the rest of their lives…that person is determined to make sure that this benefits them in some way.  A fighter is someone who decides not to be (in my situation) that person who tries to manipulate and control, and decides to grow up and face the challenge head-on.  A fighter is someone who refuses to allow themselves to be forever scared of the event, but use it to their advantage.  This choice is rather the harder of the two to make, and follow through with, but it is worth it.  The fighter is a resilient person, a person who has learned from these situations they face, and resolves to take the lessons and use them to teach them.  A fighter surrounds themselves with fighters. 

A victim only has themselves to blame.  A victim has chosen to allow this event or circumstance to be controlling of their fate, and often, victims never get over the trauma.  They become a victim to their mental illness, their situation, their past….simply because they have chosen to allow it.  They refuse to fight and have adopted an attitude that is increasingly negative.  Victims may try to keep other people from being fighters, and victims tend to surround and seek out other victims.  A victim never moves on from what it experiences, and often experiences volatile relationships because they cannot get over past mistakes. 

Which are you going to be?




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