You’re Going to Be Okay

7 02 2014

There is such incredible growth that I am going through.  A way of life previously, I have cast off.  More reasons and signs continue to point me on the way forward, and so that former life, I depart.  That older, previous way of living, I am no longer pursuing.  My heart is sealed, given to the one who made it, until the due time that it is returned to me.  The time is not yet at hand for it to be returned to me and allowed to roam free, in search of the next big thing.  But the time now is on reflection, squeezing out all of the lessons that could possibly be learned from this experience, and making sure to find the opportunities where I can improve and work on that in the meantime.  The time now is not for reconciliation, but for reflection, for taking out the time not to search for the next opportunity, but to reflect and arrive at a place where I am grateful.  The time now is not for anger, though I may find myself riddled with tensions, but to seek the gift of peace and assurance, that all is well, that I have accepted what has happened, and that I am a better person for it.  The time now is the time for grace, for patience with myself.  This journey that I am on, may be long, may be short, but I shall take my time with it, until my heart is satisfied.  Til I am completely at ease with where I am.  This is a time for sensitivity, a time for care and concern, a time to extend what cannot be extended to me.  This is a time for healing, for purpose, for me to spend my days searching for the very answers that already lie within my heart.  This is a time for love, and sharing that love among those that are in my life, and that need to be loved.  This is not a time for bitterness, though it would be very easy to do so.  It would be very easy to succomb to the dragon of envy, regret and ruin, but there can come no good from that, except pain, regret and alienation.  None of those, I seek to have in my life.  The world is already far too complicated and painful for me to inflict further complication and pain upon myself.  Oh, no, gentle heart, focus not upon what others are doing, and how they are processing and dealing with their pain, or how they appear to not deal with it.  Oh gentle heart, do not harden yourself either, do not allow bitterness to do that work in you.  Recognize you got a real glimpse of something that was real, that could’ve been something special.  Because you have that glimpse and you know what it’s like….you know what to look for.

Ah!  Yes, the positivity of it all.  You know now more of what you want and expect out of life, because you know exactly what you don’t want.  That lesson alone can be re-learnt a thousand and one times, but a thousand and one times, can the specifics of the lesson never be repeated.  You learned something here.  This is cause for rejoicing, little heart.  Don’t forget that lesson. 

Most importantly, don’t ever compromise again, simply out of fear that you might lose something.  The true reality of it all is, you truly did yourself a disservice, when you tried your hardest to make a round hole feel like it has to change to accept the square peg.  When the fact of the matter is, there is no shame in being that round hole. 

I have faith in you.  Sometime, somewhere, it’ll all be okay.  That’s worth hoping for, and that’s worth this struggle right now.  I’m so proud of you.

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