Trials and Drawing Closer

22 03 2014

If I were to be honest, my life has ebbed and flowed seamlessly through periods and between periods of time where I am struggling and barely scraping by, and almost drowning in the harsh realities of life.  Namely, there are periods of struggle and periods of victory.  I feel like the last year, I’ve been struggling in many different ways.  At first, I did not claim the anchor and rock that has always pulled me through these times of struggle….and then when that new anchor gave away, I then turned back to the rock that I’ve turned to time and time again, and I have re-found a sense of love and security and safety there again, where I couldn’t find in that new anchor.  In the time of struggle, I go back to that rock and anchor more fervently and faithful than I am in times of victory.

That anchor is the love of God.  That rock is the faithfulness of God.  The steadfast of my life is in the love of God. 

I’ve tried to be cool in the past.  I’ve tried to claim casual faithfulness of God, tried to rid myself of the “christian” banner.  In all senses and purposes, I do not claim to be a christian, because when you label something, it becomes associated with something that most of the time, doesn’t even fit the description.  You think “christian” today, and I think Chris Tomlin, churches that are against anything progressive, and you find alot of bitter people against the world.  I’ve tried to distance myself from that label, and in many ways I am both that label and not that label.  But you know what, it doesn’t matter.  Regardless of what I call it or claim it, or how you call it and claim it, what I am is my own personal relationship with God.

Which is weird.  When the contemporary church welcomes people into the fold, they call it a “personal relationship with Jesus Christ.”  Which honestly, is quite weird because we don’t try to teach them and disciple them into a relationship with God.  We just assume they find their way by joining a church and getting busy in that church.  Don’t get me wrong, I direct the kids’ Christmas program each year and love it, but that busy-ness does not a relationship with God make. 

I think this focus on the personal, individual relationship with God is what makes me different.  I’m not afraid to stick out of the “christian norm” and quite frankly, I find Chris Tomlin’s music to sound all the same, just different words.  Quite frankly, I think our progressing society is a sign of how all things are being made new, and different.  And quite frankly, I have no time for grudges or bitterness, and my relationship with God liberates me from all of that crap that makes your life 10x more difficult. 

But, back to the main point, I find myself coming back to the anchor that has proven me to be stable time and time again.  In the midst of a raging personal storm, I have found quietness and stillness, peace and stability, and I have found myself again.  It’s quite nice and comforting to know that I always have a place I can go, to find that love, support and acceptance, regardless of what the world thinks of me and my situations.  I’ve tried to be so cool and claim that I’m not a believer, but the reality is that I am.  I am so very much a believer, because I have myself and identity wrapped up into something else other than myself and the people I share my life with.  Many of my motives and intentions are not of my own doing, but I find myself doing things and saying things out of a deeply rooted love.  I wish that all people knew what I have found, because it is so valuable.  If you know me at all, I’m sure you know how much it means to me to be able to take a time out from the world and spend time in deep communication and friendship with God. 

So again, the faithfulness of God is a sturdy place to lean upon.  It is a sturdy place to come back to, to find peace and hope and joy.  I know it’s all going to be okay because I have been shown that in the past as well.  Thank goodness. 




3 responses

23 03 2014

It’s like you can read my mind… I needed this, more than you know and more than I can express here. I’ve been struggling…and to hear (read?) someone say that it’s okay to acknowledge that and run back to the love of Christ is reassuring. I needed the reminder that regardless of how far I’ve run…or slowly walked further and further away…that God’s love is still an anchor that doesn’t move… we’re the ones that move, but God is always there, pulling us back. Love ya MB!

23 03 2014

Thank you for your kind words friend! I hope that I can continue to be an avenue of love and support and encouragement in your life. It is such a gift to find friendship that can be mutually encouraging.

I heard this story once…and I will share it again. There was this man and his wife in the cab of an old truck. They’re driving along the road and the wife is leaning against the window of the truck, remembering fond memories of how, when they were young, how they snuggled close on the seat on those drives. The husband looks at her, and says “I’m not the one who moved.”


24 03 2014

Of course! I appreciate you and can’t thank you enough for the love and encouragement you’ve already given! And yes, I hope that we can continue to have that kind of friendship! 🙂

That’s an excellent illustration! Thank you for sharing that!

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