A Box

6 05 2014

My yesterdays, they sit in a box there.  On the shelf.  It’s contents that explode, explode visions of love and value, honor and memories.  Those yesterdays are there.  They’re part of my past, and even though some of the people are past, they’re always a part of my future.  Who I am, who I was and who I will become is wrapped up all in the lives and the character of the people that I’ve allowed to take space in my heart, for however long of a period of time.  And they are there.  Pictures, and stickers, envelopes and letters, ink-stained cards and colored pages ripped out.  Suckers and candy wrappers, that I really don’t understand why they’re kept.  Notes written during services, passed back and forth while listening to some preacher.  I’ve got pictures of people, a random hat from a trip.  I’ve got momentos from former lovers, notes and emotions that overwhelm me with memories from yesterdays gone by.  I’ve got cards that used to sparkle, and glitter that fell off of those handwritten notes.  And I’ve got things I’ve written, so that I’ll never forget them, dates of deaths.

The box is on a shelf.  It occasionally is opened, but mostly, it’s just there to remind me of the contents.  To remind me that the yesterdays are there.  Although I don’t look through it everyday, I know that the things of the past are still there.  And I see it everyday, like the past is a part of my life everyday.  

Sometimes, I wonder if it does more harm than good, to pull up the yesterdays.  Sometimes, I wonder if it does more harm than good to wonder if it could be better now.  Sometimes I wonder if I was a better person then.  However, I suddenly remember, the great events of my life that have occurred, those events that prepared me for this moment.  Losing loves, facing death, grieving deeply, falling in love, being important to somebody, and choosing to love someone anyways….all of these defining moments, they’re what made me who I am today.  

So I can’t ever get rid of the box, nor my past, because it’s always there, and it’ll always remind me of how far I have come.  

And it encourages me, because I have yet a ways to go.  The box isn’t full yet.

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