New Understandings

29 11 2014

I am a very grateful person.  I am very grateful that a little less than a year ago, my heart was broken.  I am very grateful that this person left me, and I’m grateful for the heartache.  I am grateful for this year.

I have learned a lot.  I honestly have.

But one of the greatest lessons I’ve received from life, is a deeper understanding of how real and significant of a commitment marriage is.

A year ago, I was seriously pondering marriage to another person.  (Or so, I thought)  I was waiting for a sign or an indication that I should use the money I had saved up to put towards an engagement something.  I wasn’t sure what I was going to do or give.  But I had the money saved, and I wanted it to go towards that.  Well, I got a sign.  Irony of all ironies, I found myself single.  God always has a sense of humor, because this was a clear sign that I was not supposed to get married to this person.  I am very grateful for that, because now, I realize, I wouldn’t have been a wonderful partner to be married to.  I wasn’t ready yet to be married.

I have discovered that marriage is more than just the wedding or the wedding night.  I’m sure both will be extremely special.  But marriage is about living life, day in, and day out, with another person.  It sounds easy, right?  It is really the easiest thing in the world that’s so hard.  On the surface, living with a person sounds good, right?  Someone to help take care of chores and someone to vacuum the floors because I hate doing so.  But what I didn’t realize is that it’s more than that.

Marriage is about giving of all of yourself to another person.  You trust them with not a whole lot, but with everything.  And that trust is mutual, you are the bearer of their secrets and embarrassments.  And, because you live with this someone, you become more honest with them than you’ve ever before experienced.  That means that I’m going to annoy them when my clothes don’t make it into the hamper, when I leave things out on the counter, or don’t wash my dishes for a few days.  They’re going to annoy me with hair in the shower, or on the floor, toothpaste gunk in the sink, morning breath in my face when I wake up.

Sure, the waking up to someone, and not being alone all the time will be nice….but if my friends are any indication, I’ll probably annoy the heck out of them more than give them delight over being married to me.

There’s also a new calling of love.  You have to learn to love someone more than yourself, and want the best for them.  You’re their harshest critic when they need it, and the kindest comfort when they don’t deserve it.  You have to let go of times they’ve hurt you in the past, and you have to help them navigate this life and all of its stresses.

All of this, I did not know before when I was considering marriage.  But now I do.  Now I know more of what I will be experiencing when I do approach marriage.  May I not ever be so quick to jump into that commitment without the cost of intimacy.

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